The Not-So-Elusive Moron

We're a tolerant society. We really are. We'll put up with almost anything, except common sense, wisdom, or vision.

Maybe it's time we practiced a little less tolerance and began to let people know that we think they're being silly/stupid/infantile/boring/thoughtless/shallow. Consider Davidson's First Law of Human Behavior - the odds are 3 to 1 that the next person you have to deal with will be a moron. This is an independent probability .

A moron? Well, this is a person who -

1. Will try to extract money from you, usually under some form of false pretense.

2. Will ignore you when you ask them a question.

3. Will assume you're only there to help them with their problems.

4. Will have developed their emotional senses from watching soap operas and their
prime-time emulators.

5. Last voted for the candidate with the nicest hair.

6. Will always leave a mess in a public washroom.

7. Firmly believes that his/her personal appearance is more important than their
mental health.

8. Is a civil servant without civility.

9. Believes reading Coles Notes is as good as reading the novel.

10. Like the mutated thieves they elect to public office, believe the only crime is
in getting caught.

11. Pull up to stop lights and empty their ashtray onto the street.

12. Don't think it's important that their children read.

13. Drive stupidly and have a preference for Chrysler products.

14. Slap their kids in the supermarket.

15. Think it's okay to tell a 14 year-old kid that he has no future in the sport
of his choice because he is too small.

16. Profess to like Garfield.

17. Think getting a degree is more important than learning.

18. Own a dog that needs to be chained up.

19. Walk store aisles as if they are the only person in the store.

20. Can't tell the difference between socialism for the rich and socialism for the
poor.

Morons cut across economic and educational lines. Their common thread is an amended aphorism of Socrates, 'The Unexamined Life IS Worth Living'. In Canada, they're likely to be glum boobs harboring grudges, while in the U.S. they will be aggressive dolts with an unnatural love of firearms and loud noises, usually their own voice.

So, the next time you encounter a moron (odds are it will be later today) let them know. Wear a smile as you try to enlighten them as it may well help to defuse their anger at being told something they knew in what passes for their hearts was true.

To a better day!

P.S. If, by some misfortune, you should find yourself guilty on one or more (four or more puts you in the congenital moron category and you probably can't be saved) of the above points, promise yourself to change and - like absolution at confession - you may proceed with a pure heart and with a new self-righteousness as your ally.